I need to preface last night's dream with a previous occurrence.
About 3 months ago, I went to RS shower for a new baby. I was quite puzzled because I didn't quite know the mother (I thought). When I got there, I found out I DID know her; she was my age! All her daughters were there...except one--the one that had bore the child. I found out this was child #5 out of wedlock for that daughter. The first child had been adopted by a random person, the 2nd child had been adopted by the unwed father, the 3rd child had been adopted by one of her sisters, the 4th child had been adopted by a different one of her sisters, and now, the 5th child was being adopted by her mother, who was in her 60's. Everyone there was in awe of the 60ish grandma, who was adopting her daughter's child.
So last night I had a dream. Mike was not in the dream. I found out I was pregnant (told me by a source) and was so excited, I told everyone. Then I realized I was 65. How could this be? I thought of Abraham's wife, Sarai, how she was 90 and then conceived. I felt concerned that I would bear a child that would be dead or deformed due to my age. I was in a half-sleep state at that point, prolonging the dream to make sense of it...but in the end, I remember my father and grandfather coming in my room and I told them my dilemma. I told them I needed to go to the doctor to see what I could do to have the baby be born healthy, but my father said, "Don't go to the doctor. If the Lord wants you to have a baby, He will give you a baby." That was the end of my dream.
So, in contemplating the dream (with the possible meanings)...especially due to the fact that my father and grandfather were in it, I thought of the ways the Lord would give me a child when I was too old to bear one. I thought of the grandmother adopting her grandbaby. Hmmm.
I read in my Dream dictionary and it said a pregnancy in a female dream meant increased wealth. At age 65, that was just as impossible as the pregnancy at 65! So I prayed...I prayed to know if the dream had some significance in my life's future or was just a dream.
Alas, it was of no significance.
I must admit it made me a bit sad to know that. A part of me wanted another child to raise. It would be nice to hold a baby again. It would be nice to have a do-over. You know, when you have nothing significant to do...i.e. have all the time in the world, finally have a decent house and funds, would have only one child and not 6, and would finally know all the things I did wrong and could correct them. "That would be the perfect chance to raise a child," I thought.
I once asked my mother if, knowing what she knows now about what she did wrong as a parent, would she want another child to parent. She laughed, and said, "Every child is different. Every child is a unique challenge. If I had another child, it would be a different child, so that I could grow and learn different skills."
I guess that is what motherhood is for all of us. We, who are not perfect, try our best to fumble around that divine responsibility. Given our own trials and physical limitations, it will always be imperfect. The closest we can get to parenting each child correctly must be when we turn to their father...our Heavenly Father, and reach out for His hand to team up in this responsibility.
While I still may yearn for children, after-the-fact, and yearn for the do-overs in my own parenting. I hope and pray that all my daughters, and daughter-in-laws, may make the most of this one-time chance to get it right. I pray that they will partner with their mate and Heavenly Father to bring to pass the Eternal joy of a forever family.
