Perhaps it was because I have been reading in the scriptures about the 2nd coming of Christ, I don't know...but as I rattled off my litany of people who needed help as the voice in our couple's prayer and ended with the prophet, President Nelson, I felt that I should pray for Jesus Christ. Well, I didn't in our couple's prayer, but as the night wore on, I pondered why I would have that thought come to me.
As I prayed privately, I discussed with Heavenly Father, that I didn't even know what help Jesus would need. I mean, He is a God. He already suffered. Why and what help would He need from the Father? As these thoughts and words ran through my brain, I vocally recalled with joy the individuals and circumstances in our family when He had redeemed them through His suffering. What a blessing!
Then I came to me. Me. I had caused Him to suffer. I had caused Him to bleed. The joy I felt for my family members turned to sorrow as I realized, I have so many things I haven't done. So many things I still have need to repent. There was no joy as I realized that heretofore, He had suffered in vain for me. I thought of John Donne's Holy Sonnet 11, how we look piously at those who crucified Jesus, and yet, we crucify Him daily with our unrepentant behavior. We cause His sorrow daily, when we take His atonement for granted. He loved us so much, that He suffered for all, even knowing many would not utilize that atonement.
I wept as I realized the sorrow He must feel as He looks at the wickedness on the Earth today...not because He suffered for them, too, but because He loves them, too.
Did I even come to a conclusion as to what I needed to pray for in Jesus's behalf? Probably not. But in retrospection, I have found that in praying for Him, I was not focusing on what the Father could offer Him in support, but rather what I could do to support Him. His mission is not over. The atonement is not over. He would receive joy from my applying the gift he gave me. Part if His mission on Earth is for me to utilize that gift. I have a part in His happiness and mission. That changes everything. The very exercise, culminated in a new repentant spirit, a realization of the meaning of the sacrament every Sunday, and a new depth of gratitude and new empathy for my Savior, my brother, and God, the Beloved Son...and a renewed commitment to be better.
