Sacrifice and an answer to my prayer.

 I've consecrated things to the Lord. I've covenanted with the Lord at His request and had so many miracles I can't begin to count. But this morning I wept again, as I have so many nights recently. I prayed for the Ukrainians who our country has taken away support in a war. I prayed for the immigrants who were deported to a foreign prison, and accused of being gang members...without any due process of law to prove their innocence. I prayed for the people who have lost their jobs for no reason. I prayed for the poorer countries that had the aid from our richest country taken away from them. I prayed for those honest people who did their jobs as lawyers, judges, and congressional committee members, which included investigating the January 6th uprising, making legal decisions that allowed Trump to be prosecuted for his crimes. They are now targets and the president has vowed to have them removed from their positions and put in jail. I prayed for Congress and judges who have voted against his measures, and had Trump threaten them with jail and/or removal for opposing him. I prayed for our country, as usual. 

Only this morning, I told Heavenly Father, I would sacrifice something that meant much to me. I am giving it up so I can get something better. The better I asked for was to see his hand in my life and in the world. The better I prayed for was to draw nearer to Him so that I could be his hands and voice in Gathering Israel and doing His will. At the close of my prayer, I felt the Spirit say that I needed to write down the results of my sacrifice when I saw and felt the Lord close to me.

It wasn't long before I saw the first thing I needed to write about. I was reading the article in the Liahona about the ministry of the apostles. I was interested in their qualifications. I already knew they were special witnesses of the Savior, so I skimmed that. But, then I saw Ambassadors to the World. I read time after time where the apostles met with leaders of other countries and offered monetary aid to build shelters for the Ukrainian refugees, to cloth and feed the hungry nations, to fund a hospital to heal the sick. I was overcome with emotion. I felt the Lord say to my spirit, "Your nation may have abandoned them, but I have not." What an answer to my prayer! What I testimony that the prophet and apostles knew ahead to save money to take up the slack in ministering to the needy throughout the world. I am so happy to belong to Christ's Church. I am so happy to be able to testify of His goodness.

Watched Over--Another Miracle

 I have always had a fear of driving on a highway, especially several narrow lanes where the cars are going at least 70 mph. I've had many miracles upon changing lanes or entering a freeway--that there is an open space for me to easily enter, and I attribute that to the fact that I pray before, during, and after such excursions. Nevertheless, I prefer my husband to drive, and I try not to look because he is an impulsive jerky speedster upon occasions. And many times I have been saved from death miraculously when he was driving. During such times, I have anxiety attacks. I raise my level of oxygen, lean the seat back, take an aspirin that is in the car for such cases.

Last Thursday, I had to drive down to Fallbrook by myself. I'd done it before, but it was frightening to me. Before I left, I sat in the car and pled with Heavenly Father to watch over me, and that I would travel safely. As soon as I turned around the corner from our house, I heard 3 distinct beeps from my portable oxygen concentrator. I wondered why it was beeping, and turned to find it wasn't in the car next to me. Hmm, maybe I left it in the back of the car, so I turned around and went home to look in the back of the car. It wasn't there. I checked the engine to see if anything was wrong. No. 

So I knocked on our door and asked Mike if my concentrator was in the chair by our bedroom. YES! It was. I was overcome with emotion that I would hear the exact sound of my concentrator, so I could have oxygen when I was driving. How blest I felt.

(The next day, I even drove with Mike in the car and asked him to take off his seat belt to make sure the beeps had not come from the seat belt. I heard 'ding, ding, ding' but no 'beeping' like my oxygen concentrator.) It just verified the blessing I had been given.

Some of my previous discontinued Blog Transcriptions

April 2010

 Today was a student's last day in my class. Yesterday, when we were on 'silence' (waiting for the last straggling finishers of Math TAKS in our hallway) my class was finished. To keep my class quiet, I let them draw at their own, separated desks. Unbeknownst to my departing student, I had whispered to every student (but him) that the drawing paper was to write him a letter, make a card, or just draw something for him...but that it was a secret surprise. Some students immediately put up their partitions to hide their work, while others meandered over to the boy and asked him his favorite color. The students were so excited I don't know how they kept it a surprise, but after today's Reading TAKS was over...my students were told they had to just read. Then, I handed the soon-to-be-departing student the packet of cards/letters from his classmates. When he opened the packet and realized what they were, he grinned from ear to ear. All eyes were on him as he pulled every student's card out one at a time to examine and read. It was just a joy to watch his face, but even more heartwarming was to watch the face of each particular student whose handiwork he was holding. They'd just beam and turn to everyone else to mouth or motion that he was looking at their card. I just loved watching how much joy they got out of what they had done. I have missed so many opportunities in the hurry and scurry of test prep to just let the children be children, to let them practice serving and doing for each other...to feel joy in doing good. It seems that would be the more important lesson in life.

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

 One of the themes in many fairy tales I read as a child, was where the main character was met by some hideous, odious, or ugly stranger. As the main character treated them with kindness, the hideous person transformed into a beautiful prince, fairy godmother, queen, etc. and all goodness was bestowed upon the kind character. I have had reason to reflect on several incidences where I've met people that others have rejected.

Incident 1: The Transgender Therapist

I admit, I have been very homophobic. Imagine my surprise, when I walked into my breathing therapy and heard the telltale voice of one who is neither male or female, but through hormone therapy has a characteristic voice of someone who has changed genders. I was a bit horrified to be assigned that therapist that day. Who was he or she? The person had a female name and had previously been married to a man, but the person dressed and had a male body. I had an overwhelming desire to know whether this person was biologically male or female, and to know whether they identified themself as a male or female. I felt a nervous awkwardness. I didn't know what to say or do.

(I once had made the mistake of calling a similar person the wrong pronoun in a restaurant, and was sure I must have embarrassed that person...so I wanted to know...but in the knowing, I surely would embarrass this person even more. So I didn't ask, I just talked, joked, and treated them just like any of the regular therapists. Time went on, and I found that person to be a very competent, enjoyable person to be around. I don't know to this day what their gender was, or is...but I did find out that they were a human being, a child of God, and I treated them and love them like I would treat anyone else.

Incident 2: Anthony

There is a 16-yr. old youth that Mike and I 'inherited' from the previous El Centro Hispano. We were told he came from a troubled home, and this was his safe place. He was the middle child with 7 children, ranging from 19 years to 6 mos. He kind of hung around the computer class,  didn't participate in any class, but just played on the computer the entire 4 hours we were at El Centro, then would leave. He spoke English...had long, dark, silky, wavy hair half-way down his back. When Mike quit teaching the computer class, he would go in a separate room with a computer all to himself. I remember telling Mike that was not appropriate, that he should be in a public room...so Mike made it happen. All was going well, when one day, he stole 2 laptops. Mike was livid. He didn't come around for a few days, until the dad brought him back...with the computers, and said, "He steals things. That's what he does." Mike got the dad's phone number.

Well, he started coming to play computer again, but now Mike was very leery of him. Then, one day, they were missing a computer and looking for him, and hadn't seen him leave. The dad called Mike, and said he had kicked his son out and didn't know where he was. Mike went around the entire Church building, checking every room and calling his name. No answer. Anthony didn't come around for several days, so Mike called the dad to see if he had ever come home. The dad said, yes.

Soon Anthony started coming again. Mike asked him where he had gone the night he was kicked out of his house. He said he had stayed over night at the church! Anthony had heard them calling his name, but he had hid. Mike had a talk with him about the liability of him staying in the church and to never do that again. Michael did not like him.

BUT, all the while Mike was dealing with him, I would see him waiting for us and upon seeing our car, a look of joy would cross his face. I would see him carry in all our supplies. I would see him set up all the tables and chairs. One day it took him 1 hour to single-handedly take down chairs from the entire gym, put all the tables in all the rooms, and seat chairs around them. I would see him politely talk to me. One time I even was trying to figure something out written on the chalkboard (thinking it was Spanish) and he came over to me and said, "It's not Spanish, it's Latin. This is what it says." and he proceeded to tell me. Whereupon, I asked how he knew Latin. He said he had a year of it in high school and had read all these Latin books.

One day I heard Mike's curt responses to Anthony and I knew Mike didn't like him...but I did. I saw the good in him. So I want to the temple (the next day was our shift) and I prayed for Anthony in the Celestial Room. I wanted to know what I could do for him. I felt an overwhelming feeling that I needed to give him a Book of Mormon. So strong was that urging, that I bought one that week and wrote a type-written 2-page letter to him, including my testimony of Christ, my testimony of the Book of Mormon, and my testimony of Anthony being a child of God, and I listed some of his good qualities.

The next day, I brought the Book of Mormon, with the letter glued in the first pages. I read Mike what I had written, and his response was, "I'm glad you see some redeeming quality in him, because I sure don't."

When we got to the church, there was Anthony, waiting to help us. As he set up my room, I told him that I had prayed for him, and was told to give him this book...and I handed it to him. I told him to read the letter in the front, as well as the book. He was setting up the classes, and set it aside, but thanked me. I was a bit disappointed that he did not stay the entire time, but left early. I didn't know if he took the book,...but it wasn't there when I looked.

The next week he came back and told Mike that he had got in an argument with his dad the night I gave him the Book of Mormon, and his dad had forbid him from coming to our church anymore. In the argument, the dad said, "They aren't teaching you anything."

Then Anthony pulled out the Book of Mormon, and said, "This is what they are teaching me, dad." The dad looked at the book. (I don't know if he read the front letter from me) but he gave Anthony back the Book of Mormon and said he could keep coming. He even bought him a Bible to read in addition to the Book of Mormon...and he is reading.

Incident 3: The transient, bi-polar stranger

I was running an errand, and in the process of returning to my room, was met by a bra-less mess of a short-bulky woman--missing teeth, except the two rotten incisors in the front. She came into our building and immediately expounded on her love of the Savior. She never quit talking. She expounded on several names of Christ--the Messiah, Savior, King, her Redeemer, and continued telling the love she felt for Him. She said she was bi-polar and sometimes felt darkness and alone, but when she prayed to God, He would always come to bring her comfort.

In the process of her spiel, Mike and the other people looked away, refusing to converse with her. I (who needed to get to my class) kept answering her, which encouraged her to keep talking. I finally said, "I can tell you have been raised to know who Jesus Christ is." 

She replied, "Nothing brings me greater joy that to hear you say that. That is why I am. That is what I want to share." 

Then she asked for a drink of water...and as she left to get a drink, Mike said to the other person in the room, "My wife is the compassionate one of the two of us"...and they laughed...then he said to me "She just wanted water. She's here all the time." 

Reflection: When I got home, I reflected on these experiences as I was praying and pondering. I was reminded in my mind of the fairy tales where different repulsive strangers were met, and it was a test to see if one would act kindly, or with callous uncaring. As I saw these characters (my strangers) in my mind, the words that came to me were, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

I wept. "Then in a moment to my view, the stranger started from disguise, the tokens in his hands I knew, the Savior stood before mine eyes. He spake, and my poor name he named, "Of me thou hast not been ashamed. These deeds shall thy memorial be. Fear not, thou didst them unto me."

Singing with My Spirit Voice

 I was born with a love of music. I love to sing. I love to harmonize. I am spiritually touched when I hear certain compositions of the music. I love to play the piano, I love to conduct choirs. Every morning I wake up with a Ear Worm of some song. I plays over and over...to the point that people think I have perfect pitch, but I am just singing the songs I hear in my head.

I know that my love of music was a gift given to me as I was born. I know so much and have the ability to hear so much musically, that I have often wondered why I never had the voice to perform with the same perfection I expect of a professional. When I was a music minor at BYU, I had to take voice lessons. I had to sing songs for a recital with all the music majors. It was very embarrassing to me to not have their voice and have to sing next to them. 

Last night, I had a dream. I was in a huge congregation with multiple choir. Susan was directing up front and all the choirs sang. Janet was singing with me. Never had my voice sounded so beautiful. I heard myself sing, and it was the kind of voice any professional would have. Then each choir sang at different times. I found that I did not have the music to sing for each choir. When it was their turn to sing, the choir would sing, while sitting in their same place in the congregation. At one point, one choir was not singing their part, and someone in a choir across the room sang out strong, like I had, to help them. I was thinking, I could sing that, but I don't have the music. It frustrated me. Then it was the entire congregation's turn to sing, and I sang again, only this time my voice I heard before was not heard by anyone. I heard it--I was opening my mouth, and singing, but when I listened, no one else could hear me singing. Why? Why was my voice not heard as I had before? Why had I heard it before as being perfect? Why didn't I have all the music?

When I woke up, I prayed my morning prayer. I wept. Why wasn't I given a voice to sing like I had heard? Why was I given a love of music and yet, kept from the talent to use it like I wanted? In my asking Heavenly Father, I was reminded of the parable of the talents. I was given an average voice...so that may be the 2-talent voice. But yet, because I love singing so much, I have always sung with my average voice. 

(When COVID hit, I didn't use my voice for months...like 6 months. Then, when I started singing in Church again, my voice kept skipping. Sometimes two notes would sound at the same time. But, I wanted to get my voice back so much, I kept singing. Singing in choirs. Singing in the car. I mean, professional singers have to exercise their vocal chords, so I thought that exercising mine would help. It did. Is my voice aging? Yes. But I got back enough voice to show up to stake choir and sing. I got enough voice, that I sang in church with a group of women. Was I the worst voice in the groups? Yes. So much so, that I considered not singing.? But 'how can I keep from singing' when I feel the music?

I've decided to keep singing...with my average voice...in hopes that in not burying my 2-talent voice, I will be rewarded with the voice I heard in my dreams when I die. For right now, I do not bury what talent he has given me, and I sing with an average physical voice, but my Spirit voice is majestic. I sing because the Spirit voice I have in me is my heart and desire to consecrate my 2-talents to the Lord, and pray that my reward will be in Heaven, when my Spirit Voice becomes my Physical Voice and I can sing in the Heavenly Choir with the angels above.

More musing:  My patriarchal blessing talks about the musical talent I have, so why I wasn't given the physical voice I heard? Then I thought of what I would have done, and become if I had that voice. I would have been a performer, rather than a teacher. I would have missed the joy of teaching...and I love that more.

Proudly Proclaim

 In the dream, I was a teenager (somehow) teaching or a part of the class of teenagers. Anyway, I was up front, and they looked to me for direction. They had been discussing the things how I was different than them and they attributed it to my membership in the Church. Then, they said, hey, there are two girls who are not here, but they also dress like Karen and have her same standards. Let's ask them why they are that way.

In short order, those two girls entered the classroom and the other classmates asked them why they dressed differently and had different standards like Karen did. I looked at them, and soon was carried back in memory to my teenage years...and as those girls stammered and hemmed and hawed, I knew what was going through their minds. I knew they wanted to say, 'Yes, we do have those standards, but we chose to live that way. We chose to follow commandments from the 10 commandments'...avoiding saying that they were doing it simply to follow our prophet--simply because they knew many people think we are a cult, blindly following a leader for no reason than that we belong to a church where he leads the church. I knew it, because that is the way many in the world perceive us, as promulgated in the musical, The Book of Mormon. 

So, I took the response away from them. I proudly proclaimed, "They are members of the same church I am a member. We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints...and as I proclaimed that aloud, the words of the Primary song came to my mind: 

            "I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

             I know who I am. I know God's plan. I follow Him in faith.

             I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ, I'll honor His name.

             I'll do what is right. I'll follow His light.

             His truth I will proclaim."

I told the questioning teenagers how we believe Christ is the head of our church and  Christ has ordained a prophet on Earth to speak to on behalf of Christ to His church. The prophet is a prophet as in Biblical times, who did the same thing. I also explained, that we are told to always pray to feel the Holy Spirit, ratify in our hearts and minds, whatever that prophet tells us on behalf of Jesus Christ. 

Furthermore, I went on to say that the commandments we follow are not only for our benefit, but to signify our baptismal covenant to not only become a member of His church, but to represent Him to others through our actions and obedience to the commandments He gives. In doing, so, we covenant to live differently from those in the rest of the world. We have standards of modesty in dress. We have moral standards of chastity before and within the bonds of marriage.

It is Not Meet that I Should Command in All Things

As I was reading 1 Nephi 19: 1-3, I found myself actually smirking at the things I read. Yes, smirking! I mean, in verse 1 it says 'the Lord commanded me, wherefore I did make plates of ore that I might engraven upon them the record of my people.'

Then in verse 2 it says, 'I knew not at the time when I made them that I should be commanded of the Lord to make these plates; wherefore the record of my father, and the genealogy of his fathers, and the more part of all our proceedings in the wilderness are engraven upon those first plates of which I have spoken; wherefore the things which transpired before I made these plates are, of a truth more particularly made mention upon the first plates'.

Then verse 3, 'And after I had made these plates by way of commandment, I, Nephi received a commandment that the ministry and the prophecies...should be written upon these plates,...which purposes are known unto the Lord.'

At first, I thought there had been a mistake in those verses, as it appeared that Nephi was contradicting himself in verse 2, but I have since realized that verse one is the topic paragraph, meaning it tells what happened in the following passage. Then, he tells the story of it happening, beginning in paragraph 2, where he says, he made the plates, BEFORE he was commanded, and afterwards was commanded. Then, in following verses, the commandment specifies what he should write in the following plates.

I found it very interesting that he didn't know why he was writing 2 sets of plates, but that he knew there was a purpose and the Lord knew it. I thought of the lost manuscript that Martin Harris took to the educator, and in the ensuing translation of plates, those first plates were not necessary, since there were 2 sets of plates.

I also thought that Nephi was such a purposeful, righteous man, that he made the original set of plates without being commanded. What a treasure he was to the Lord, that He did not have to be commanded in all things. Nephi was constantly thinking of what he could do to do 'good' and actually 'doing' it. 

Nephi, need not be alone in this 'goodness; the Spirit that leads us to do good is available equally to all people. 

Doctrine and Covenants 58: 26--29

 26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

28 For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

29 But he that doeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned.

Why be anxiously engaged, and doing good rather than sitting and waiting to be told what to do? The Lord can command us more easily, once we are already moving. It behooves us to set righteous goals and be actively doing that which is good, then the Lord can direct and fine tune those things that will serve His purposes.

I have found this when I retired. I waited for things to be asked of me. None came. I was pretty despondent, thinking that because I had an oxygen hose to my nose, they thought I was unworthy or unable to be of service. ,, as months went along, I took my ministering assignment and magnified it. I magnified it to help anyone I saw who needed my help. I magnified it to help all the members of that family, regardless of their being the female. I took it to minister to those who were nonmembers. And the commandments (of inspiration in my case) followed. The Holy Ghost gave me inspiration to serve others over and over again. It was not a sustained calling, but a the Spirit giving me what to do, as I saw others and was actually engaged in doing good.