In 3 Nephi 19:24, where it states that during the ministry of Jesus among the Nephites, "they did not multiply many words, for it was given unto them what they should pray." Many times when I counsel with the Lord in prayer, the very words that leave my mouth are not what I would have said, and they are indicative of a direction or answer to what my heart is seeking. I wish to share this experience where the words I was given to pray were lyrics of hymns.
Last time my doctor's appointment was scheduled, I could hear the team of doctors speak on the other side of the wall, debating the pros and cons of my treatments. I was not prepared for them to enter and say the risk of death was too great for them to treat me, so they were sending all the data to San Diego and letting them make the decision if they could treat me...because they were the premier pioneers of the possible surgeries. The shock couldn't have produced anything less than something akin to a physical blow to me, where I couldn't breathe.
The burden was so heavy that I found myself drawn to my knees quite frequently in heartfelt prayer...offering to serve where I would be of most value, whether beyond the veil or on Earth. My offering was laid on the alter, but I knew not peace.
I had so many options the doctors had laid before me, and the doctors were making the decision for me. I felt I had no control over my life. My heart vacillated between fear and peace, because everything was up in the air...(One of the options included 15 min. of induced death by freezing my body and removing all my blood, so they could scrape the inside walls of my lungs. Another included 3 balloon treatments.)
I have had many near death experiences where miracles saved my life. I don't know why I was meant to be saved; especially for one such time, because I was at peace with dying. So the complexities of what may be happening to me, weighed heavily on my mind and soul. What was there left to do? I had written and published my autobiography. I had written and turned in the books to be bound for my Cooking School, and mailed them to my grandchildren, since I didn't have means or time to teach all of them. My mission was completed. I had visited my mother. I'd had the same music callings for 14 years straight. They were the same callings I had most of my life, and I was very replaceable. What did I have left to do on Earth?
I yearned to pray in the temple, so when I was working my shift in the temple, I had a break for about 15 minutes without any assignment, and I entered the empty celestial room, and covered my face, so I could weep, and speak in sotto voice what my heart felt.
As I bowed my head and covered my face, and started my prayer. These words came out of my mouth: "Oh my Father, thou that dwellest in the high, and glorious place. When can I regain Thy presence, and again behold Thy face?"
What? I stopped speaking. I was shocked! Was the Lord placing words in my mouth asking to die?
Then I continued and these words came out from Come, Come Ye Saints, "And should I die before my journey's through...Happy day, all is well! But if my life is spared again...All is well. All is well."
Then I turned over my burden, my life, to His hands to be where Heavenly Father most needs me. But I was overwhelmed with an increasing desire. All I wanted to do was to testify of Christ.
I don't yet know what will happen, but I wanted to share this experience of having music lyrics be given as to the words I should pray, because the Lord says in the Doctrine and Covenants 25:12,"For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads."
