Singing with My Spirit Voice

 I was born with a love of music. I love to sing. I love to harmonize. I am spiritually touched when I hear certain compositions of the music. I love to play the piano, I love to conduct choirs. Every morning I wake up with a Ear Worm of some song. I plays over and over...to the point that people think I have perfect pitch, but I am just singing the songs I hear in my head.

I know that my love of music was a gift given to me as I was born. I know so much and have the ability to hear so much musically, that I have often wondered why I never had the voice to perform with the same perfection I expect of a professional. When I was a music minor at BYU, I had to take voice lessons. I had to sing songs for a recital with all the music majors. It was very embarrassing to me to not have their voice and have to sing next to them. 

Last night, I had a dream. I was in a huge congregation with multiple choir. Susan was directing up front and all the choirs sang. Janet was singing with me. Never had my voice sounded so beautiful. I heard myself sing, and it was the kind of voice any professional would have. Then each choir sang at different times. I found that I did not have the music to sing for each choir. When it was their turn to sing, the choir would sing, while sitting in their same place in the congregation. At one point, one choir was not singing their part, and someone in a choir across the room sang out strong, like I had, to help them. I was thinking, I could sing that, but I don't have the music. It frustrated me. Then it was the entire congregation's turn to sing, and I sang again, only this time my voice I heard before was not heard by anyone. I heard it--I was opening my mouth, and singing, but when I listened, no one else could hear me singing. Why? Why was my voice not heard as I had before? Why had I heard it before as being perfect? Why didn't I have all the music?

When I woke up, I prayed my morning prayer. I wept. Why wasn't I given a voice to sing like I had heard? Why was I given a love of music and yet, kept from the talent to use it like I wanted? In my asking Heavenly Father, I was reminded of the parable of the talents. I was given an average voice...so that may be the 2-talent voice. But yet, because I love singing so much, I have always sung with my average voice. 

(When COVID hit, I didn't use my voice for months...like 6 months. Then, when I started singing in Church again, my voice kept skipping. Sometimes two notes would sound at the same time. But, I wanted to get my voice back so much, I kept singing. Singing in choirs. Singing in the car. I mean, professional singers have to exercise their vocal chords, so I thought that exercising mine would help. It did. Is my voice aging? Yes. But I got back enough voice to show up to stake choir and sing. I got enough voice, that I sang in church with a group of women. Was I the worst voice in the groups? Yes. So much so, that I considered not singing.? But 'how can I keep from singing' when I feel the music?

I've decided to keep singing...with my average voice...in hopes that in not burying my 2-talent voice, I will be rewarded with the voice I heard in my dreams when I die. For right now, I do not bury what talent he has given me, and I sing with an average physical voice, but my Spirit voice is majestic. I sing because the Spirit voice I have in me is my heart and desire to consecrate my 2-talents to the Lord, and pray that my reward will be in Heaven, when my Spirit Voice becomes my Physical Voice and I can sing in the Heavenly Choir with the angels above.

More musing:  My patriarchal blessing talks about the musical talent I have, so why I wasn't given the physical voice I heard? Then I thought of what I would have done, and become if I had that voice. I would have been a performer, rather than a teacher. I would have missed the joy of teaching...and I love that more.

Proudly Proclaim

 In the dream, I was a teenager (somehow) teaching or a part of the class of teenagers. Anyway, I was up front, and they looked to me for direction. They had been discussing the things how I was different than them and they attributed it to my membership in the Church. Then, they said, hey, there are two girls who are not here, but they also dress like Karen and have her same standards. Let's ask them why they are that way.

In short order, those two girls entered the classroom and the other classmates asked them why they dressed differently and had different standards like Karen did. I looked at them, and soon was carried back in memory to my teenage years...and as those girls stammered and hemmed and hawed, I knew what was going through their minds. I knew they wanted to say, 'Yes, we do have those standards, but we chose to live that way. We chose to follow commandments from the 10 commandments'...avoiding saying that they were doing it simply to follow our prophet--simply because they knew many people think we are a cult, blindly following a leader for no reason than that we belong to a church where he leads the church. I knew it, because that is the way many in the world perceive us, as promulgated in the musical, The Book of Mormon. 

So, I took the response away from them. I proudly proclaimed, "They are members of the same church I am a member. We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints...and as I proclaimed that aloud, the words of the Primary song came to my mind: 

            "I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

             I know who I am. I know God's plan. I follow Him in faith.

             I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ, I'll honor His name.

             I'll do what is right. I'll follow His light.

             His truth I will proclaim."

I told the questioning teenagers how we believe Christ is the head of our church and  Christ has ordained a prophet on Earth to speak to on behalf of Christ to His church. The prophet is a prophet as in Biblical times, who did the same thing. I also explained, that we are told to always pray to feel the Holy Spirit, ratify in our hearts and minds, whatever that prophet tells us on behalf of Jesus Christ. 

Furthermore, I went on to say that the commandments we follow are not only for our benefit, but to signify our baptismal covenant to not only become a member of His church, but to represent Him to others through our actions and obedience to the commandments He gives. In doing, so, we covenant to live differently from those in the rest of the world. We have standards of modesty in dress. We have moral standards of chastity before and within the bonds of marriage.

It is Not Meet that I Should Command in All Things

As I was reading 1 Nephi 19: 1-3, I found myself actually smirking at the things I read. Yes, smirking! I mean, in verse 1 it says 'the Lord commanded me, wherefore I did make plates of ore that I might engraven upon them the record of my people.'

Then in verse 2 it says, 'I knew not at the time when I made them that I should be commanded of the Lord to make these plates; wherefore the record of my father, and the genealogy of his fathers, and the more part of all our proceedings in the wilderness are engraven upon those first plates of which I have spoken; wherefore the things which transpired before I made these plates are, of a truth more particularly made mention upon the first plates'.

Then verse 3, 'And after I had made these plates by way of commandment, I, Nephi received a commandment that the ministry and the prophecies...should be written upon these plates,...which purposes are known unto the Lord.'

At first, I thought there had been a mistake in those verses, as it appeared that Nephi was contradicting himself in verse 2, but I have since realized that verse one is the topic paragraph, meaning it tells what happened in the following passage. Then, he tells the story of it happening, beginning in paragraph 2, where he says, he made the plates, BEFORE he was commanded, and afterwards was commanded. Then, in following verses, the commandment specifies what he should write in the following plates.

I found it very interesting that he didn't know why he was writing 2 sets of plates, but that he knew there was a purpose and the Lord knew it. I thought of the lost manuscript that Martin Harris took to the educator, and in the ensuing translation of plates, those first plates were not necessary, since there were 2 sets of plates.

I also thought that Nephi was such a purposeful, righteous man, that he made the original set of plates without being commanded. What a treasure he was to the Lord, that He did not have to be commanded in all things. Nephi was constantly thinking of what he could do to do 'good' and actually 'doing' it. 

Nephi, need not be alone in this 'goodness; the Spirit that leads us to do good is available equally to all people. 

Doctrine and Covenants 58: 26--29

 26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

28 For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

29 But he that doeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with doubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is damned.

Why be anxiously engaged, and doing good rather than sitting and waiting to be told what to do? The Lord can command us more easily, once we are already moving. It behooves us to set righteous goals and be actively doing that which is good, then the Lord can direct and fine tune those things that will serve His purposes.

I have found this when I retired. I waited for things to be asked of me. None came. I was pretty despondent, thinking that because I had an oxygen hose to my nose, they thought I was unworthy or unable to be of service. ,, as months went along, I took my ministering assignment and magnified it. I magnified it to help anyone I saw who needed my help. I magnified it to help all the members of that family, regardless of their being the female. I took it to minister to those who were nonmembers. And the commandments (of inspiration in my case) followed. The Holy Ghost gave me inspiration to serve others over and over again. It was not a sustained calling, but a the Spirit giving me what to do, as I saw others and was actually engaged in doing good.

Second Chances

When I was a teacher, the Texas Legislature came up with a law to keep teachers from giving 50s as a grade in place of a zero or a grade lower than 50. Apparently, it was a practice with some teachers, schools, and/or districts to have the ‘50s’ policy (so as to keep one bad grade from being so low that a student would fail a course). In order for that bill to pass, the legislation made allowances for districts to allow reteach and retest policies that allowed the failing student to replace, and/or average in that failing grade on tests and/or assignments.

There wasn’t a uniform policy in my district other than letting the principals decide what each school would do. My principal told us that she would allow no one to fail, and a teacher had to allow unlimited reteaching and retesting on every single assignment, as well as tests. We were not to average the grades, but to replace it with the highest passing score…and if an assignment was not handed in, it would be an ‘incomplete,’ until they did hand it in (having the entire year to do so.) I remember telling my own children the policy my principal stated, and they laughed their heads off. “No student will hand their work in on time, or study for a test if they don’t have to. All the work has to be done by the teachers, now.”

They were right. That policy went over like a lead balloon, with the teachers…for several reasons, but for me, I didn’t think it was fair for the person who didn’t study to get a look at the questions on the test, and then retest and get a higher score than the person who passed it the first time, without the people who passed, getting the same chance to replace their scores…and, being the union rep…I said so. The principal had an answer for that. She said we had to write comparable, and different tests to make it fair. Well, you can guess what most teachers did—the ‘50’ grade that had been outlawed, now became a 70, or the assignment could be corrected and resubmitted, or the tests became open book tests. No more work on their part.

But me, the teacher who got in trouble for voicing my objections, but nevertheless was a rule follower, wanted it to be fair for those who had studied the first time—so I worked and worked for hours of tutoring, reteaching before, during, and after school, writing multitudes of new tests (for the few that needed it.) [Note that this was before AI-technology. Now, we if could have programmed AI to write the test, it would be a different story, but not back then.]

Then, when I retired, I started learning Spanish on DuoLingo, where I was given unlimited attempts to pass off levels in lessons. Albeit, those lessons are developed through AI, so no programmer is having burnout, but I did wonder at how long I would continue those lessons, if they didn’t keep giving me 2^nd and 3^rd chances. Would I have given up? Yes! I read all about how Duolingo has used AI to figure out the passing rate, via a formula that keeps students learning, yet continuing, and the computer develops these individual programs that encourage users to keep learning and feeling successful.

Flip ahead to the same concept in the test we are given when we prove ourselves on Earth. I share a personal story that illustrated it for me. I had been having a physical therapist travel to my home 2 times a week, for 1-hour sessions, for at least 6 weeks. Monica, the therapist, went out of her way to individualize the sessions for me, amending her plans for my pain level, my healing, etc. I found we had a lot in common, in fact, I found she was much like me when I was a teacher, in that she would personally order her own equipment to bring to my sessions to challenge me when I had mastered a required skill. She also was like me, in that she loved learning so much, that she would have been happy to be in college for life. She and I loved to read, and we shared our similar opinions against the banning of books in libraries; books that were some of our favorite classics. Classics that made people think. Classics that made people want to be better, to change. Classics that were metaphors of society, helping us to form solutions and values to all the ills of the world.

It was during one of our sessions, that the Holy Ghost prompted me very strongly that I needed to give her a copy of The Book of Mormon. I intended, and wanted to do that. I knew I had a stack of Book of Mormons in our living room, but they had been for our family scripture reading, and had been marked up with children’s names and drawings all over them. I planned on buying a new one for her, thinking I would have more weeks to work with her, so I wasn’t worried.

About a week after the prompting, just as she was cleaning up to leave, she informed me that I was doing so well, that a nurse would come, and give me a test next week to see if I could test out of the rehab program. She also said that it meant, this would be her last time to see me. I was devastated! Devastated (not that I wouldn’t see her again) but devastated because I knew the Holy Ghost had prompted me so strongly to give her a Book of Mormon, and I had failed! I thought I had more time. I felt so badly, I even wondered what I would have to do to fail the nurse’s re-evaluation, so that Monica could come back.

Sunday night, I received a call from Monica. For some unknown reason, they told her to come back one more visit before the nurse came. I was overjoyed! I had been given a second chance! I went through our scripture reading stack of Books of Mormons, and found one that looked brand new. I book-marked and highlighted Christ’s visit in the Americas, sticking an Article of Faith card with the picture of Jesus and the children, in the chapter where Christ ministered to the children. I book-marked and high-lighted Moroni 10:4-5. Then I wrote how much I admired her and had loved her working with me and felt to share with her what mattered most to me—my testimony of Jesus Christ. Then I shared my testimony,  that Christ lives, and he ministers to all people in all lands, and in all times…and that The Book of Mormon was a record of His ministry as to the Native Americans, just as the Bible was a record of His ministry in the holy lands.

I gave her The Book of Mormon as she left and told her that because she was special to me, I wanted to share what was most special to me with her. We hugged, and she left. And I wept. I wept, because the Lord gave me a second chance to follow the prompting of the Holy Ghost. I do not know what will become of what I did, but I felt such joy that the Lord gave me a chance to repent, that it has since caused me to reflect on scriptural references where others were given 2^nd chances.

At first, I felt like the son in Matthew 21:28, who was asked to go work in the father’s vineyard. I was the one who said, “I go, sir: and went not.” But because I was given a 2^nd chance, I was able to ‘repent’ and work in the vineyard.

I have since thought of Jonah, and how he took his 2nd chance and preached to the wicked people in Nineveh. I thought of Alma, the Younger and the sons of Mosiah, had 2^nd chances. What wonderful missions they completed, putting all their effort, faith, and diligence into their second chance. I have thought about Saul/Paul’s second chance after his call to repentance—how he gave everything he was, to commit to the Lord’s work, in spite of his thorn in the flesh and trials. I thought how Heavenly Father must have known their very nature, what their character really was, to give them that chance at redemption.

Then I thought of the prodigal son, and the metaphor that we all are prodigal sons, who ALL have 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th, and innumerable chances to repent after we inevitably make choices akin to squandering the inheritance we all could have, but Jesus Christ intervened. He was the Savior in God’s Eternal Plan, who made it possible for us not only to have our agency to choose to live where we want to live for eternity, in the body we choose to have for eternity, and with whom we want to live forever, but because Christ intervened, for us, we have multiple chances to erase our unworthiness, becoming clean and worthy to return and live with our Father in Heaven.

Christ, who didn’t need a 2^nd chance (who passed the test with flying colors) suffered for us, and atoned for us, because He knew who we were. He knew who we could be, in spite of where we are on this Covenant Path. He, the only one who didn’t need to take the test again, would suffer and die for us to give us all the chances we need to redeem ourselves, to work in the vineyard, and choose to live in His presence. I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers us. What will you do with your many chances?

 

 

 

Why People Quit Coming to Church

 

They Were Fed, But Not Nourished

“Years ago, President Boyd K. Packer told of a herd of deer that, because of heavy snowfall, was trapped outside its natural habitat and faced possible starvation. Some well-meaning people, in an effort to save the deer, dumped truckloads of hay around the area—it wasn’t what deer would normally eat, but they hoped it would at least get the deer through the winter. Sadly, most of the deer were later found dead. They had eaten the hay, but it did not nourish them, and they starved to death with their stomachs full.

 

Many of the messages that bombard us in the information age are the spiritual equivalent of feeding hay to deer—we can eat it all day long, but it will not nourish us.

 

Where do we find true spiritual nourishment? Most often, it is not trending on social media. We find it when we “press [our] way forward” on the covenant path, “continually holding fast to the rod of iron,” and partake of the fruit of the tree of life. This means that we must deliberately take time each day to disconnect from the world and connect with heaven.

 

In his dream, Lehi saw people who partook of the fruit but then abandoned it because of the influence of the great and spacious building, the pride of the world. It is possible for young people to be raised in a Latter-day Saint home, attend all the right Church meetings and classes, even participate in ordinances in the temple, and then walk away “into forbidden paths and [become] lost.” Why does this happen? In many cases it is because, while they may have been going through the motions of spirituality, they were not truly converted. They were fed but not nourished.” (Holland, 2019)

 

It's like feasting on spiritual 'twinkies' rather than meat and vegetables. They may have been given 'quantity', but not 'quality' of spiritual opportunities.

 

Ministering To Those Who Need Spiritual Help

 May 23, 2023

This morning, I read Elder Gong's April 2023 conference talk. One of the things that stood out to me was the man who finally agreed to hear the missionaries, but asked that his LDS ministering brother of 10+ years be there with him when he had the discussions.

I have had a single sister I minister to for a few years now. Mike and I have gotten to know her children by having them to dinner, helping her when she has car trouble, opening her house for the pest control man, taking her place as a parent for UIL orchestra concerts, going to downtown Houston to CPS to be an advocate for her children, making a painting for her troubled/suicidal daughter, having birthday parties and taking the family out to eat, teaching RS for her 3 times when she couldn't come, taken her to the temple, and countless times brought her meals when sick or depressed. She has been a Sped teacher. I've helped her with supplies and ideas. 

She just finished her schooling to be a diagnostician. Things should have been looking up, but her daughter has been in and out of a psychiatric hospital...due (she says) to the verbally abusive father she spends every other week with.  This sister spent all her savings paying a lawyer to get full custody of her children. In the CPS process, they did a surprise walk-through at her ex's home. He took took her to court to get full custody of the kids. She has no money left, so to avoid not being able to have a decent lawyer to gain at least keep the joint custody,  she agreed to court-ordered mediation...every week with her ex. Very expensive. She has no money, so she charges it. 

The teen-age daughter is very traumatized by her father (the ex) who is a very strict LDS father in a calling that is very respected in his ward. The daughter has rebelled at all he physically forces her to do, which includes going to church, and eating...so that was the excuse for my ministering sister not coming to church...but on the weeks she didn't have kids, she wasn't coming, and her excuse was that she was emotionally exhausted and that was the only time she could sleep, due to her work, education, and the custody battle going on. 

When I got back from Utah, I purchased some chocolate-covered strawberries for her and brought a conference Liahona back for her. I went by her house twice and she wasn't home. Sunday, I texted and phoned (she wasn't at church) so I could bring the treats over. No answer. No reply. Then late at night, she said it was a horrible, crazy, trauma-filled day, and that she would be home after 4 the next day. The next day, I texted to know when she would be home...and she texted back that she didn't know when she would be home, so I should just leave it on the doorstep. I didn't want the chocolate to melt, or ants to get in it, so I told her I would wait till she got home and I would bring it by. I was SHOCKED when she texted back that I needed to respect her need for privacy. WOW! 

When I explained why I didn't want to leave it on the porch, she understood, but I went over with multi-ziplocked bags to keep the ants out...and left it on the porch. Then she texted back that she was going through a lot of trauma now, and that unfortunately much of it has to do with the church, but when she was ready she would come back. WOW. I took it as a 'leave me alone' text, but she has since texted me several times about jobs she's applied for and would I pray for her.

I'm at a loss. She used to be at church every Sunday. This is so unlike her...but I wasn't going to leave her...I just needed to know what the Lord would have me do. I prayed to know what to do and thought to go to the church bookstore. What would I find that I could give her that would show her I care, but still be hands off enough to leave her alone regarding the church? I pretty much found nothing. I browsed for near an hour, wondering why I felt to come, when I could find nothing.

I finally took my meager purchased to the front and the owner asked me how I was. I was visibly sad. In fact, I was ready to cry, but I answered that I was fine, but the sister I minister to was not, and she was putting up a wall regarding the church. I didn't know what to do.

This man then said, you should have been at my Houston North Stake Conference. Elder Shumway was the speaker on ministering. He referred to us as being life guards. We can visibly see the person struggle physically on top of the water and we can swoop in and save them...physically. But, we cannot see them struggling below the surface...unless we ask Heavenly Father. We have to follow the spirit, because sometimes they don't want to be rescued. You want them to grab ahold of the buoy and they won't. Sometimes it's a give and take, trying to know how much help they want, versus what they need. They may need a life jacket, but refuse it. You can't take away their free agency. You can't force them to grab hold of the life line, even though you know they need it. You can't discount their reasons for not grabbing hold. They are valid in their eyes. You can only love them enough so that when they want to be rescued, you will be there and they will grab hold.

I thought of that on the way home. I thought of the woman at the well. Christ told her he could give her water and she would never thirst, but he didn't force it down her throat, or drown her in it; he waited for her to ask for it. Christ gave his gospel, and those who believed followed him.

I thought of the 10 virgins. We can't force those without oil to be prepared. We can love them and hope they take the lifeline Christ has offered, and gain their own testimony, strong enough to commit. 

 Note: This was a question on Facebook. If You Had an Interview with Christ in Two Minutes, What Would You Say? Here is my answer:

 If it is in person, I would know Him...recognize Him. I think He would hold me in His arms and I would not want to leave. I would be at His feet, telling him how much I love Him, thanking Him for what he has done for me...

BUT, He would ask me what I have done with what He has given me. He would already know... but I would tell him how how I treated others, how I love and showed love to my husband and children, how I told others about Him. He has given me my life, my physical body. Did I treat it with reverence, as a temporal home for His spirit, or did I abuse it? He blessed me to be born into a family who taught me about the Gospel of Christ. Did I tell others about Him and His gospel? 

Did I keep the covenants I've made with Him? I made a covenant to take His name upon me. Did I live my life as an example of Him? Do that others know I am a Christian? I made a covenant with Him to keep His commandments. Did I? I have covenanted with Him to love others. Did I treat others as He would?

I DO indeed have personal interviews with Him, every time I take the sacrament that represents His body and His sacrifice for me. I ponder on what He has done for me, and what I have done that week with it and the covenants I have made with Him. Did I repent for the sins I've committed, so He didn't have to suffer, atoning for my sins in vain? I also take time to pray every day when I report as to how I have done that day. Have I felt promptings through the spirit and followed them? He will already know, because I report to Him daily.

I don't think the interview would be done vocally, because we have communicated by the Spirit while I have been on Earth, and I feel that Spirit to Spirit, is a better form of communication, since we not only hear, but feel, when we communicate.